


Ham Squah: Squahoween

by gamegrumpsfanimated



Series: Ham Squah [26]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: LET'S GET SPOOKY, Multi, Other, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 06:36:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12575876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamegrumpsfanimated/pseuds/gamegrumpsfanimated
Summary: angel: play beyoncé at my funeraljawnlawn: fuck you I'm playing all star at your funeralangel: YOU BETTER NOTelizard: how are you gonna stop us? you'll be dead





	Ham Squah: Squahoween

**Author's Note:**

> It's here! Everyone, thank you for sticking around again. I really do love you guys.
> 
> As always, enjoy this shitpost. <3

_marialews changed the chat name to 'Spooky Squah'._

elizard: yesssss

pegleg: HAPPY ANNUAL SKELETON FUCKING DAY

angel: IM GOING TO STRING STATE FAIR PRIZE PUMPKINS TOGETHER AND USE THEM AS ANAL BEADS

elizard: uh. happy Halloween, everyone

hamfam: fuck. im in the spirit guys

jawnlawn: bitchhh me too!!

jawnlawn: me and Peggy are pulling matching costumes

hamfam: wait what. >:( John WE were supposed to match

jawnlawn: sorry. she asked first dude

pegleg: haha suck it Alex >:)

pegleg: we are about to be the scariest vampires EVER

laffytaffy: you all are LAME

laffytaffy: hééúrcúléúás and I are going to have the best costumes

hamfam: hey uh,, laf,, herc,, can we do matching

laffytaffy: hell no

mulligone: sure alex

hamfam: guys guys guys... dreamgirls costumes??

pegleg: FUCK NO THAT WAS OUR IDEA

hamfam: thought you were gonna be a vampire? [Confused emoji]

angel: yeah and I wasn't going as Deena Jones anyway

angel: y'all ready?

angel: boutta blow your asses out of the fucking water

angel: me n gwash are going as Evelyn and O'Connell from The Mummy

angel: even got the book of the dead and everything

mulligone: HOOOOLY FUCK

jawnlawn: BYE IVE BEEN CANCELLED

elizard: wait like the real book of the dead or a replica

hamfam: DAD IS IT TRUE????

washingdone: Yep.

angel: bye. yall's costumes have been cancelled. show yourselves to the door.

elizard: wellllllll

elizard: actually

elizard: we got you beat in cute couples costumes

elizard: maria and i

angel: hoe don't say it

elizard: are going as

angel: HOE DONT SAY IT

elizard: shego and kim possible

marialews: get on our fucking level

royaltea: plebs, even stevens is better

jawnlawn: yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up

hamfam: WAIT REALLY??????

pegleg: yeah i saw the costumes and everything

pegleg: they spent a long time on it

mulligone: is that why Maria dyed her hair red?? and cut it short???

marialews: yes and no

marialews: i cut it short because i thought it looked better

marialews: and you can tell the difference between me and Peggy now

elizard: she looks cute like that too!!

marialews: <3

whoresneaker: for halloween im going as a Neanderthal

whoresneaker: so @ Peggy, Eliza. do y'all know where angel shops for her clothes?

pegleg: why do you need to know

pegleg:

pegleg: OHHHHHH SHIT

hamfam: FUCKHCVJCVYIHU

jawnlawn: BYE ANGIE YOU HAVE TO GO HOME NOW CAN'T COME BACK FROM THAT BYEEEEE

angel: woooowwwww

angel: guess i know who's at the top of my shit list

whoresneaker: ain't scared of you, thot

angel: I'M NOT A THOT???

jawnlawn: thottie

elizard: GUYYYYYYYYYYYS

elizard: I found these cute little candy bags we can all use instead of pillowcases

pegleg: Eliza we're going to a party not trick-or-treating

elizard: says YOU >:///

elizard:

elizard: ugh fine

angel: you know what, fuck the party

angel: let's go to some HAUNTED HOUSES

elizard: D: nooooooo angie

jawnlawn: oh ya sure, so you can pussy out as soon as some weak skeleton puts a hand on your shoulder

angel: SHUT UP VHGICOHXGOXTIDTI

hamfam: she's just hoping she can see pussywise smh

angel: NOT TRUE

washingdone: What.

angel: IM CRYING GWASH DONT BELIEVE A WORD

laffytaffy: BELIEVE EVERY WORD OF IT

sirburr: Angelica fucks clowns??

thomason: yes.

thomason: we're all just clownphobic

teadosia: WHAT'S WRONG WITH FUCKING CLOWNS

jawnlawn: goddammit theo

elizard: oooooo I found a little pumpkin I'm going to carve out

elizard: what should the design be?

marialews: jack skellington

mulligone: finn wolfhard's face

hamfam: me

elizard: oooo, that last one's definitely scary

marialews: hey im at the store do you guys want anything

laffytaffy: what store

marialews: trader joes

laffytaffy: BUY ME EVERY PUMPKIN PRODUCT AVAILABLE

marialews: first off: no

royaltea: buy me real tea

marialews: sure, Arizona tea it is

royaltea: NO YOU FUCKING DUMMY ARIZONA TEA ISJT RSAL TEA

marialews: haha i know

angel: hey guys since it's halloween

angel: I would like to,, say something important

jawnlawn: if it's about spice girls or the mummy I'm dipping

angel: shhh no it's about how I'll die

pegleg: not this shit again

angel: LISTEN

angel: ok

angel: this is my plan

angel: im going to go to the dark web

hamfam: okay eight words in and it's already a bad idea

angel: SHHHH

angel: I'm gonna go to the dark web and hire exactly six hitmen/assassins.

angel: ill promise them a rich amount of money to kill someone for me

angel: but what they don't know, is that I'm setting them to kill me

angel: and they're also not aware that there are 5 other assassins looking to do the same thing

angel: I tell them my location

angel: then?

angel: I go into hiding.

jawnlawn: okk

sirburr: Angelica where are you even going to get that much money

angel: NNOT IMPORTANT

angel: LET ME FINISH YOU DUMB THOT

hamfam: burr is nOT A THOT

elizard: ANGIE CONTROL YOURSELF

angel: SHHHH SHUT UP

angel: LET ME FINIIIIISHH

washingdone:

washingdone: Just go ahead, Angelica.

angel: THANK you;)

angel: so. I go into hiding

angel: I stay in hiding for over fifteen years, leaving clues so I keep the hitmen on a wild goose chase looking for where I could've run off to

angel: in the meantime, i either relax on my own to pass the time or I build a reputation as a serial killer

pegleg: two completely different things :/

angel: shh

angel: as a serial killer, i never get caught

angel: and im known for putting halos on my victims after i kill them

angel: ha get it? cause im angel?

teadosia: that's a little fucked up, angie

angel: eh, maybe, but it's just a thought

sirburr: obviously something you put a lot of thought in

angel: shut up

angel: anyways

angel: at the end of the fifteen years, after being the most wanted woman on the planet, on Halloween,

angel: ill go to dennys.

whoresneaker: that's the most normal thing you've said so far

angel: actually scratch that I'll go to walmart first

angel: and I'll buy ten five hour energys

angel: three boxes of fruit rollups

angel: and a slutty Angel costume

angel: and I'll pull up to McDonald's and buy a dollar iced tea cause I'd be thirsty

thomason: that's calm

angel: and I'll buy some xanax from the drug dealer in the lot

thomason: it's McDonald's, right? still calm

angel: and THEN I'll go to dennys

angel: I'll slip through the backalleys, behind the counter, down the hall into the secret room where they execute people

angel: because you KNOW dennys has that kind of room

whoresneaker: ....you got a point

sirburr: who would need to be executed by dennys?

jawnlawn: anyone who defies them

angel: lol yea

angel: so. I'm in the back room

angel: i pop a xan

thomason: ayyyyyyy

angel: i drink some of that iced tea

angel: which I poured three of seven five hour energy into

angel: and then I eat five fruit rollups

angel: while I down the rest of the iced tea

angel: i drink the rest of the five hour energys by taking them like fucking shots

angel: i wrap the other xan in a fruit roll-up and eat it

angel: and then i have a meaningful conversation with god

angel: all the clues i left for the police and my assassin have led them here

angel: I hear police sirens

angel: I'm probably foaming at the mouth

angel: I eat another fruit roll-up

angel: and I fucking die

angel: at exactly 8:32 PM

angel: on Halloween night

madisin: angel what the FUCK

hamfam: wait so what was the point???

angel: going out with a bang

jawnlawn: what about the other fruit roll-ups

angel: I left them for whoever found me first

elizard: well that's pretty considerate

pegleg: yeah considering you were a wanted serial killer

royaltea: I see plot holes

angel: shut up at least I've got a plan

angel: you'll probably die from an asthma attack because you opened your fridge too fast and got winded

sirburr: oh ouch

royaltea: LIES AND SLANDER

hamfam: can't be slander if she's right

teadosia: uh moving on from angels weirdly specific plan

teadosia: happy squahoween everybody<3 love you guys so much

laffytaffy: was that a fucking pun-

**Author's Note:**

> Every hit, kudos, and comment is appreciated! Got suggestions? Don't be afraid to let me know! I'll use them!
> 
> Stay cool, y'all, and have a spooky Halloween.
> 
> (Also: what are your costumes going to be? I'm going as Hermione Granger :O )


End file.
